Getting Knocked up, Getting Knocked Down
Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:26pm | by monicadear
Most of the readers of this blog are women of childbearing age, and if I'm correct in my assumption, at least one in five of you have dealt with a miscarriage or stillbirth.
This post is for the support of those women. Please forward along...
1) You are not to blame.
There are so many factors that go into a miscarriage or stillbirth, and many of them relate to the fact that the pregnancy just isn't able to continue within the existing setup, or the child doesn't have the tools to survive in the physical world. There are chromosomal, biological, or other environmental factors that mean this particular pregnancy won't make it to a live birth. That's just the way it is - and most importantly, it is not a reflection or judgment on you or your personal ability, self-worth, or value.
2) Take care of yourself.
Time slows down in this case of great tragedy. Take a day off work, take some hours to meditate, heal, and pay attention to your own needs. Hot tea, books, hotpads, baths, prayer, self-reflection, massage --- if your body feels like something, give yourself permission to take care of those needs.
Let your body recuperate from labor - the uterus works hard and you'll need as much rest as you can get before, during, and after.
3) Your feelings are valid.
Whatever you're feeling, it is valid. Anger, relief, hysteria, fear, uncertainty, jealousy, envy, disbelief, sadness, anxiety, lack of feeling, and more... these are all feelings that are totally valid. Feel them, cry it out, go for a walk (when you're feeling up to it) and do what you need to do. If you find yourself sinking in a deep depression, where you cannot take care of your daily needs and are feeling completely at a loss and/or suicidal, please get help:
National SIDS, Stillbirth & Miscarriage Hotline
Offers crisis counseling, literature, information, and referral for support groups.
Support groups for those who have experienced the loss of a child during pregnancy or shortly after birth. Offers support materials. Visit the web site for additional information.
Do a search on the babyloss community for more resources.
4) Give yourself something special.
While not every pregnancy results in a child, every pregnancy is definitely a miracle. Create a memento or special remembrance to remind yourself of the child that may-have-been.
5) No pressure.
You don't have to "do" or "feel" anything. Just be.
Live each minute, hour, and day as best you can. Your loss is very real and very painful, not only to you but to any others who knew the news and who were invested in the arrival of a new child.