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Getting out of your own Way

Fri, 11/09/2012 - 4:26pm | by monicadear

As women, sometimes we put our own roadblocks in front of us. The more we become successful, the greater the challenges that face us. And, incredibly, the larger the obstacle in our path, the more life-affirming, creative, and energizing is the solution -- if we are ready to take on that role and responsibility.

Some examples of putting obstacles in our own way include:

  • Using negative self-talk against ourselves, or talking poorly about others
  • Believing that this is the most terrible situation we've ever found ourselves in
  • Assuming the worst about ourselves and others
  • Making situations muddied, unclear, or confusing
  • Thinking that others are out to get us
  • Feeling like we don't deserve anything good.
  • Behaving as if we can't take care of ourselves

You might see self-defeating behavior coming up in statements that you either voice or think, such as:

  • "I can't believe she did that. I can't believe he said that... That's so stupid." or "I'm an idiot for thinking that."
  • "This is the absolute worst time of my entire life."
  • "She just can't get it together" or "he's bringing all his problems onto himself" or "they just can't help it."
  • "I'm not really sure about that."
  • "Did you see the way she looked at me? She hates me!"
  • "I can't do anything right."
  • "I'll never be able to do this. I give up -- you deal with it."

Some other clues to self-defeating thinking show up when we deflect compliments by saying "Don't mention it" or "Not really" or "It was nothing."

Another clue that we may be unbalanced and insecure is if we say something besides "you're welcome" when someone expresses gratitude to us --- instead we say things like "it wasn't a big deal" or "don't mention it" or "no problem."

An even better clue is using "leaky" words in our lives, like "maybe" or the trifecta of "should have, could have, or would have." I'm sure you can catch yourself when you find your own negative self-talk.

Here are some ways you can reprogram your brain to think, speak, and believe new ideas. Choose to say the following:

  • I carry the glorious gift of life: each new day when I wake up is a gift for me and for my loved ones.
  • I believe that the universe is abundant and provides for me, in every way.
  • I believe that I am working towards my unique plan, to fulfill my unique purpose.
  • I believe that everyone around me is an example of perfection, courage, and grace.
  • I maintain clear intentions and transparency in my relationships.
  • I live my best possible life.
  • I am growing stronger and more capable every day.
  • I feel grateful for all the blessings in my life.


It is possible to completely change your mindset, with enough support and resources along the way. I know because I've been able to change a lot of my own self-talk, and I encourage you to assess your own self-talk for health, vitality, and positive, tolerant, loving creativity.


photo by kevenlaw

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