Visionboard #5 - Life is Compassion
A few years ago, I had a miscarriage and it was very painful. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically, I was challenged, drained, and hollowed out. It was a rocky time for me and my memories are predominantly of me sitting on my bed with a box of tissues, reading back issues of The New Yorker, journaling, and crying my eyes out.
During this time, I had an amazing dream - or maybe it was an intense meditation experience, it's hard to tell now. In it, I was in outer space. I was flying through galaxies and star clusters, and came closer and closer to a massive, giant, white, opaque, Buddha-like figure that was centered on a platform.
The figure was emanating compassion. It was filled with peace, understanding, and bountiful, endless, love - it made me feel so calm. All around it were people? birds? souls? flying towards it, in the hopes of being engulfed by that sense of calm and peaceful generosity of spirit.
Seeing that figure somehow changed something for me. I realized that this was a temporary situation, and that death and life are intimately connected. I realized that that particular pregnancy was not meant to be (I subsequently did get pregnant again, and had a healthy child). At the time, it gave me a sense of comfort and the realization that I could feel again, and I could rest my cares, troubles, and pain into that endless reservoir of white light.
Right after that experience, I tried to piece together an image that matched my vision, so I wouldn't forget. I'm not a graphic designer so I had to clip together a variety of different pictures - this photo doesn't do it justice but it does help me remember. This picture on my visionboard reminds me to always have compassion. The picture is just a shimmering echo of that sense of approach, and the eternal nature of that giant figure's sense of repose and everlasting/unending/galactic be-ingness.