Dealing with Difficult Times
Friends,
I want to take some time to share with you how I’ve dealt with difficult times.
Perhaps you’ve had a loss in your life: like the loss of a relationship, or a divorce, a death, or an absence that hurts your heart. Perhaps you are struggling with difficulties in your finances or with a work situation that seems out of your control. Perhaps there has been a medical emergency or a scare or a wake-up call that has called attention to your body’s needs. Perhaps your spirit has been challenged and you are questioning your faith, your life’s meaning, and your purpose. Perhaps there is a dark part of your journey that you are struggling to get through.
Whatever the situation, I encourage you to take a good, hard look at what your current situation is, and feel everything there is to feel within that situation.
Feel the pain, feel the sorrow, the rage, or the frustration. Take it out by screaming or by squeezing your pillow or by going for a long run. Feel the hurt and let yourself fully experience this “soul cage.” Feel sorry for yourself, and stay in bed with a big box of tissues. Unplug the computer, turn off the phone, and take a day or more to be upset, unhappy, or bereaved. You are only human: take the time to lick your wounds.
If it gets too upsetting or if you find yourself severely depressed, unable to function, and/or have thoughts of suicide/putting a final end to it, please find help. Call 1-800-784-2433 if you cannot think of someone to call.
From “When You Feel You Can’t Go On”:
I hope there will be something I can say to you now…
Find something or someone to live for, for a little while
Let someone help you through and beyond this horrible, but temporary time in your life.
If you are still functioning but still sad, I find that dealing with the pain in the moment assists my soul in fully experiencing that moment. When I deal with it in dribs and drabs, or build little walls around my heart, then the pain continues to come back, in stabs, for much longer than if I had felt it immediately. Cry it out. If you don’t know how to cry, do lots of exercise. Keep care of your body, though, and be very gentle with your physical self. Sometimes when we feel pain but don’t really know how to feel pain, but it still hurts, we need some sort of release. Go for a long, long hike or challenge yourself to bicycle 35/50/100 miles or run 5/10/20 miles. Find a way to take care of your pain that still involves taking care of your body.
After that initial wave of shock and sadness, I find that I am tired out, like an empty husk. That feeling of emptiness is a good time for making yourself whole again by taking care of yourself.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.” - Kahlil Gibran
To take care of myself, I make big hot steaming mugs of Earl Grey tea, and I take long hot baths. I light candles. I read lots of books and back issues of magazines. I cry when I feel the need. I go for a walk in nature. I stretch. I call a friend. I write in my journal. I meditate. I pray.
Right now would be a good time to make a list of five favorite things that you do to take care of yourself and keep that prominently posted: then you have this handy and may implement it into your routine and refer to the list when necessary.
Every situation that is difficult is an opportunity for you to grow. One thought that helps me is to think of myself in my physical being, living my life, being surrounded by my day-to-day, but in the large picture, merely passing through just one moment, or a series of moments. My spiritual part, the eternal, soul part, is merely experiencing something that is helping it learn. I promise you that whatever your situation, it will pass (it will, I promise!) and you will experience renewed vigor, renewed faith in yourself and other people, and a renewed sense of self. Happy Days are coming. Believe that.
If you have a heavy burden to bear, consider sharing it with a friend or loved one. Your family, roommates, boyfriend or girlfriend, classmates, workmates, hobby club, or team-mates…. there are many people who truly care about you. Reach out to them, they want to hear and they want to be there for you.
Find a way to take care of yourself.
Next, you may take a pause to take stock of your situation. Think about your life to date and how you have found yourself in this current situation. There were a series of choices you made, the end result of which brought you to this point. Or, something just happened, and you happened to be there at that time. Or, someone else’s issues and dramas are now severely impacting your own life. Whatever the situation, what has happened, has happened. There is no shame, no blame, and no should, could, or would. There merely is.
1) Write it down on a piece of paper. Burn the paper. The flame purifies. Blow the ashes away. Start over.
2) Out of sight, out of mind. Are there pictures or other mementoes that are too painful for you to bear? Destroy them, and delight in the idea that when there is a vacuum, other wonderful things will come in (this will depend on you changing your behavior to stop attracting negatives and instead welcome positives). Think of Kali, the destroyer
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” - Alexander Graham Bell
3) Go on a trip, retreat, visionquest, or just take a break for the weekend. Get out of your routine. Go somewhere different. The different environment will awaken you and give you a bigger perspective.
4) Rearrange your furniture. Get rid of anything you dislike or that saps your energy. Your surroundings nurture and heal you: if there’s something offensive or annoying or that you just don’t like, give it away or trash it.
5) Start taking care of a plant. Some easy indoor plants include: pothos, spider plant, jade plant, African violet, or a small batch of herbs, sunflowers, or a cutting of rosemary. A plant brings beauty, life, and oxygen into your surroundings. It is a friend to you and it raises your spirits.
6) Find a piece of art, a mandala, or an object with meaning to you, and think on it.
I like the artwork of Alex Grey:
http://www.sacredmirrors.org/mirrors_view2.html
The Mandala Project:
http://www.mandalaproject.org/Mandalas/index_new.html
Images of our planet:
http://www.terragalleria.com/
Or, light a candle.
7) Promise not to talk to the offending person again. If necessary, delete their phone number from your cell phone and delete their e-mail or any printed notes or letters. Find other people whose company you enjoy and share some special time with them.
8) Take up a volunteer position. Being in a position where you have to take care of something else frees you from the clutches of despair. You always have something to give: consider volunteering at your local humane society, participating in a park or beach clean-up, giving some time to the library, or planting trees. If it’s helpful, choose something that doesn’t require a lot of person-to-person contact, at least until you’re ready.
9) Go through your clothes. Go through your wardrobe and take out ten items that you no longer love or that don’t fit you. Bring them to your Goodwill or Salvation Army and exchange them for one new piece that you really like and that makes you feel great. That’s the piece (preferably in orange or red or something warm-colored) that you’ll wear with joy.
10) Research a new project. Now might be a good time to get into a new subject or to research something that’s important to you. Perhaps it’s a period of history, a person’s bigogaphy, a type of cooking, a region that you’re interested in, architecture, art, sculpture, languages, music, playing an interest, or something else that inspires you. The act of delving into something interesting serves to take your mind off your current issues, gives you something new to consider, and offers a wider perspective from which to evaluate your current situation.
“Work is the substitute for hope and the antedyne for pain” -as quoted by Jane Marie Law
11) Get enough rest. I find that I need lots of sleep if I am repairing my soul. This takes a lot of dreamtime during naps and at night: keep a journal of your dreams during this special time.
12) Finally, take a week and eat healthy foods and drink healthy drinks. Try doing a vegetarian diet, drinking herbal teas and lots of water, and focusing on fresh, organic fruits and vegetables, roots like sweet potato and yam, whole grains, legumes, and more whole, natural foods. An emphasis on foods in their natural state (rather than processed) will give your body great nutrients with which to rebuild. Plus, your energy and your mood will improve.
As you continue to take care of yourself, heal, rebuild, and increase your energy, you’ll find new ways to change or modify your situation. Perhaps there is a new job on the horizon, a better relationship, a new place to move into, or an increase in your body’s health and wellbeing. Perhaps there will be new activities or interests that move you forward and give you a whole new outlook on the opportunities of your life. Perhaps there is a new friend that is hoping to spend more time with you. Once you move past sad feelings, you realize that you are a whole person, that your life is a true gift, that you have much to be grateful for, and that you have so much to offer and to share.
I wish you happiness, health, prosperity, and the fulfillment of your heart’s true desire.
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